Nick ([info]alazif) wrote,
2005-09-07 12:25:00
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Voice Post: Nick's Doritos Stand Up Hour

Note: This should go without saying if you've ever read any entries on this LJ before, but this post isn't necessarily work-safe.

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292K 1:15
“Oh man, I was over at Josh and Sarah's on Saturday. You know, just hanging out with a couple of buds, and they have these new Doritos, right?
And the new Doritos slogan is none other than "Now Better Tasting". What the fuck? I mean, seriously. What advertising executive ass-clown came up with that one? How much are these fuckers getting paid? Like six figures, right? A couple of thousand large, and the best they could come up with is "Now Better Tasting"? I mean, what was that board meeting like?
"You know, Bob, I'm having second thoughts about this 'Now Less Crappy' motto of ours."
"Oh! Oh! I know! How about, 'Now Better Tasting'?"
"Oh Bob, you're a genius! Let me suck your dick!"
Mother fucker! I mean, seriously. Give me a million dollar deal, and I'm pretty sure I could come up with a better slogan than 'Now Better Tasting'.
Like:
Doritos - Now 75% less likely to give you AIDS!
Doritos - Better than eating out a chick with pubic lice.
Doritos - Jay Leno is totally not our spokesperson anymore.
Doritos - It ain't gonhorrea!
Doritos - That chick you used to date? Totally a raging cockmonger.

I mean, man, whatever. Ahh, I can't wait to hear someone try and transcribe this on LiveJournal. It's like, "Is 'ass-clown' one word or two? And do you hyphenate 'cockmonger'?"

I'm out. Peace!”

Transcribed by: [info]dedos



Ah, I sound totally dorky! But whatever! It's not like that's a big secret. No more voice posts when my nose is all plugged up from allergies!
Tags: photos

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  • 19 comments

[info]punk_rock_nerd

September 7 2005, 17:42:19 UTC 6 years ago

Doritos: Better than eating out a chick with pubic lice!
Doritos: It ain't gonhorrea!

Your voice isn't how I imagined it. Then again, I may have imagined it as the Voice of God.

[info]alazif

September 7 2005, 18:23:18 UTC 6 years ago

Well, there are a couple of factors at work here:

1. Cellular phone
2. Digital .ogg file
3. Rampant allergies
4. Trying really hard not to laugh

But you now have a rough idea of what I sound like, more or less. ;)

[info]dedos

September 7 2005, 17:43:29 UTC 6 years ago

You're on!

[info]alazif

September 7 2005, 18:23:39 UTC 6 years ago

Haha, awesome job! I couldn't have done a better one myself!

[info]dedos

September 7 2005, 18:38:46 UTC 6 years ago

:-) So did you write this all out, or was it all off-the-cuff?

[info]alazif

September 7 2005, 19:01:44 UTC 6 years ago

Half-and-half? I didn't write anything out, but I had a couple of the Doritos "slogans" planned out already and knew I wanted to do the "intro --> meeting --> slogans" order.

[info]dedos

September 7 2005, 19:15:35 UTC 6 years ago

Cool. :) And I'm totally a geek, but the transcription would look nicer if LJ had a bigger window to type it in, and allowed for formatting.
>.<

[info]alazif

September 7 2005, 20:03:10 UTC 6 years ago

Because, you know, being a geek totally offends me! I am offended!

[info]nirvana1130

September 7 2005, 18:32:27 UTC 6 years ago

hahahahha that was awesome.

I dont understand that whole doritos thing. What did they DO to make them better tasting!?!

[info]alazif

September 7 2005, 18:33:42 UTC 6 years ago

I have no idea. Personally, I couldn't discern any difference in the taste. But "NOW BETTER TASTING!" was in huge letters on the bag.

[info]sarareubens

September 7 2005, 19:49:36 UTC 6 years ago

Josh is pouty because you stole his joke. Hehehe. I told him, if he doesn't want you to use his material he has to get his own livejournal. He's thinking about it.

[info]alazif

September 7 2005, 20:00:44 UTC 6 years ago

What?! We were both totally making fun of it! He may have seen it first, but I was all over it! And, yeah, he should get his own LiveJournal, anyway.

[info]rjmoya

September 8 2005, 04:20:26 UTC 6 years ago

Your voice is also way higher than I expected it to be.

[info]alazif

September 8 2005, 05:43:14 UTC 6 years ago

Like squeeky high? ;P

[info]rjmoya

September 8 2005, 05:53:21 UTC 6 years ago

No, I just had always heard it in a lower register in my head. It might be the stuffed nose.

[info]alazif

September 8 2005, 05:59:46 UTC 6 years ago

I actually have a deeper voice on average, at least so I'm told, so it's probably the stuffed nose, some distortion on the part of the cell phone/recording, or a little bit of both. I've heard recordings of my voice before (I did some radio back in the day), and that voice post wasn't too representative of what I normally sound like, I don't think. I'll do another one in the future when my nose isn't plugged up, and we can compare then!

[info]wsreaves

September 8 2005, 04:22:25 UTC 6 years ago

Your voice is a little higher than I expected, but it fits. And I would totally buy Doritos with those slogans.

[info]alazif

September 8 2005, 05:44:05 UTC 6 years ago

I don't know why they're not using "Doritos: It Ain't Gonorrhea!" already.

[info]spungemonky

September 10 2005, 19:18:51 UTC 6 years ago

nice slogans :P
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